Episode 117: Look Inside Yourself And Find Your Own Path With Kimberly Reed
Most of the time, people set their expectations based on one's current situation. They form preconceived notions about your possibilities according to where you are at the moment as if there's nowhere else to go. But with a little bit of confidence and hard work, you can break those limiting beliefs. In this episode, Kimberly Reed tells her story of a childhood that was dependent on food stamps and not having much else, to how she overcame her past to create a future of her own that included family and a successful career as Director and Vice President of the Project Management Office for Dollar Bank. So tune in and get inspired to find your own path for a better future.
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Look Inside Yourself And Find Your Own Path With Kimberly Reed
Welcome to this episode where I interview Kim Reed. She is the VP Director of the Project Management Office at Dollar Bank. She's worked as a Senior Manager Technology Solution Consultant and was previously with BNY Mellon for 25 years. She has a Bachelor's degree in Computer Information Systems and a Master's degree in Internet Information Systems. She loves to mentor others in addition to helping new project managers build their careers and project management.
She has mentored with the PA Mentoring of high school students at Robert Morris University, college juniors, and seniors. Giving back to the community is important to her. She enjoys serving as the President of the Shaler Area Education Foundation. She was a past President of PMI Pittsburgh. This interview is one of those interviews that you will remember.
We talked about everything from her childhood family, where they were dependent on food stamps, to how she overcame her past to create a future of her own that included a successful career and a family. I hope you enjoy this episode. I do hope that you share it with people that can learn from the lessons that Kim shares during her story.
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I am with Kim Reed. Kim, before we get started, would you like to give a little background on yourself?
Thanks for having me. I'm excited to talk to you. I'm the Director and VP of the Project Management Office for Dollar Bank. I have been here for quite some time. Before that, I worked for a large bank for about 25 years. Lots of banking and project management background for me.
What we do in this show is talk about life stories, and everyone has got one. The things where we began and how that's evolved over time into our belief systems, what's worked, and what hasn't worked in our careers and personal life. We would love to get started on where did you grow up and what did your parents do. A little bit of your backstory.
It does make me who I am, for sure. Interesting. I was raised by a single mother. We didn't have very much money at all, and there wasn't the idea that I would ever end up where I am now, which is fun. Through school, I was bullied, unfortunately. I hate to say that but I was. There were not a lot of friendships. I was just trying to get through school. I did go to college but that didn't quite stick. I went for a little while and then ended up working until I finally found my place. That has made a difference for me, which we will talk about. I went on to get my Bachelor's degree, my Master's degree, and lots of different certifications and focused on education and creating those families and connections with people.
There is so much to unpack there. Let's start from the beginning. Where did you grow up? What city and what did your mom do?
I grew up in Pittsburgh. That's where I am now. My mom didn't work. We did a lot of things with very little income. We lived with my grandmother, who was on Medicare, Medicaid, that kind of thing. I didn't have all the fancy clothes. That's probably part of the reason why I had a little bit of bullying and not fitting in. My heart always goes out to kids who I see are in that same situation. That’s part of my vision and what I’m passionate about.
Did you know your father?
I did not, but I actually found him on Ancestry. He, unfortunately, passed away in 2020 but I have some siblings out there.
Have you reached out to them?
I've talked to a cousin but haven't reached out to the sibling yet. I'm trying to figure out, “What do you say?”
Interestingly, I had a good friend that went through this process but it was her mother that she was looking for. She started with Ancestry and a lot of these DNA companies and then figured it out on Facebook. She actually worked with a consultant that helped with how do you reach out and communicate without scaring somebody or whatever.
I didn't realize there were people out there that did that and helped her craft her communication with her mother. It was very cool. Same situation. Her mom had never told her family that she had had another child because she was shamed growing up. Basically, once she told the family and they were also accepting, she got back to her, and now she's got a whole other family. You never know how it's going to work out. Maybe look into that because that was helpful for her. Was your mom young?
No, she was older. She was 40 when she had me. He was married. That was some of it, and I didn't know anything about my father. I didn't know if I wanted to meet anyone. I wasn't quite sure. I didn't think that through. I was wondering what's my nationality.
When you were young, did that leave questions in your head? What was that like as a child? Were you making up stories about who he was?
I wasn't quite that creative. I knew I didn't have one. That again made me who I am, that longing or looking for someone to fill that up or figure out the other piece of me. I may be looking for a father figure somewhere. I don't know. That might've been some of it.
I get that. What's hard for kids too is that I had a strained relationship with my father. I knew him but didn’t see him from when I was 16 until probably 32. It was strained before that. The hard part is that when they do father, daughter dances in school and it's Father's Day, they assume everything is a good experience. It leaves you to get good with yourself during those times.
The family tree project. I don't know anything else.
That's such an important lesson too throughout life. You never know what you are saying or something can be out of goodness. Someone isn't assuming it's hurtful. It was all about inclusion when you are thinking about those things. When you haven't walked in those shoes or gone through those experiences, something meant not to harm can harm you. How did you talk about it with the kids around you at school?
A lot of things I don't remember when I was young. I've always said the same thing, “I never knew who my father was.” Usually, people might look at you funny but there's not much else they can say after that.
Finding Your Own Path: If you can help one person, that kid will remember, and that changes the path that he's on.
You are in the place to make them feel better because it's uncomfortable. Tell me a little bit about your mom and your grandmother. Why wasn't your mom working?
She took care of my grandmother. My grandmother was blind. She got an allowance from her mother. That was how it worked.
What was your relationship like with your grandmother?
It was good. She was tough, for sure. Definitely in charge of the house but we got along, unfortunately, because we had a common enemy sometimes, my mother. “She's doing things wrong.” “I know.”
Of course, she's the caretaker. That's the other side of it. Make her the enemy. What was your grandmother's story? Was she always blind?
No, she had cataracts, and the surgeries didn't go well. That was difficult for her. She thought she could see more than she could. It was a struggle certainly for her.
What did you learn from that being around someone blind?
It's certainly difficult. I have respect for folks having a physical issue like that but even people who are from a different country speak another language. They have more skills. I don't see them as someone with something missing. I see them with an extra special skill that maybe we don't have. She had her hearing. She could hear everything. You couldn't get away with anything because she heard. No sneaking out. Also, a sense of smell. If you were somewhere around people that were smoking, she knew. She could smell. It's the same with people with different languages too. They can speak two languages. Maybe they are not great with English but it's a skill.
What you have to use is the offset not having one or the other. That's interesting. You said that you were poor. What did that mean? The clothes you were wearing, did your mother or grandmother make your clothes or were you getting them from Goodwill?
It was not secondhand, so it wasn't that bad. I wasn't in that situation. We had food stamps for the food, for my clothing, I would go to Hills, a department store, so I would get those things. I had 1 pair of shoes, 2 pairs of jeans, that thing. They were not designers by any means. It wasn’t at the mall getting those things. It made it a little difficult.
For you, you were not having that role model, who were you looking to learn from or to model yourself?
That was the hard part. My mother only went to the eighth grade. She didn't even graduate from high school. They didn't have high hopes that I finish college or any of those things. I had a neighbor who was going to school to get her Master's degree at night, and that was fascinating to me. I thought, “Maybe that's a path I should take.” She was only probably 30, maybe. We would go to her house and see what she was doing. She was studying at night.
What did you dream of being? It's interesting. I was listening to a podcast on this, and the person on the podcast was talking about when we were born, we had no programming. It's like a computer. There's software implemented on it and so forth. Whatever the limiting beliefs are of the people around us, that becomes our programming.
If people feel like they are always going to be poor, that the world is against them, those are the messages you are hearing, and that becomes your programming. As far as having that environment around you, and I'm sure your mother with not have a spouse and take care of her mother, what is it that you dreamed about doing, and why did you dream something different than what was expected?
It's the one thing I didn't want to be. It sounds terrible but I didn't want that. I didn't want to be poor. I didn't want to be relying on someone else. I didn't want people to feel bad or sorry for me because I did not like that feeling. I was determined that whatever it took, I would make sure I could support myself. I didn't know what path at the time because I didn't see a lot of different careers except for teachers. I didn't want to do that. It wasn't for me. I knew I liked computer stuff, so that's how I decided to move in that direction.
At what age do you think that was where you are like, “I don't want to rely on anyone?” You are seeing the use of food stamps and Medicare. Why was it that you thought that wasn't a good thing?
It was embarrassing. I remember getting a free lunch, so I didn't eat lunch. I wouldn't eat lunch because I didn't want to free lunch. That was embarrassing. It was a ticket or something, so everyone knew. It wasn't going to be for me. I wasn't going to do that. When we would go to the doctor's office, we would have a card because we didn't pay for anything. That was embarrassing. I thought everybody knew, and maybe they did. I don't know. That was awful.
It is nature versus nurture of the fact that you felt that was wrong when that's all you knew. What is it that embarrassed you if that's all you knew? What were you looking around that you felt embarrassed about it?
The people I went to school with, of course, TV like in any sitcoms or things you watched, big houses, people would have new furniture and cash, that drove me and maybe it still does. I want to make sure I have money so that if I want to go to the store and buy something now, I can go and buy something. I can go buy new clothes and food or take my friends to lunch, or take my family out.
Finding Your Own Path: Make sure everyone feels they're a part of the team. Don’t let anyone feel excluded.
Not having that vision of how you were going to get there, knowing as your personal purpose, “I'm going to get over this. I'm going to find a way,” which is a lot inside of you to have that on your own and fight for that. When was it that you saw an interest in computers? When did you start working on computers? Was it in high school?
I was the follow the person that you know. I had a friend in high school, and she was going to go to the college I ended up graduating from. She said, “I'm going to go to Robert Morris. My dad works in finance, and that's a safe path. That's a good career.” I thought, “I will try that too.” I followed along with her. Even then, because I didn't have that set that it was going to be IT that I was going to be directed towards, I was struggling to figure it out. I stopped. I went to college. I went to Pitt. I thought maybe I will do law. I went to a different school. I would quit for a while and work. I didn't have a vision of what I wanted to do probably until I was 26, maybe. I was a late bloomer.
I don't think that's late. That's one of those things. I've got a son graduating. Going to school, you have to make this decision about your life. I was in accounting. Thinking about where I began and what I do now, I'm still serving the accounting profession and much more. You couldn't have imagined your career path at eighteen. What was it that would make you stop going to college? Was there self-talk happening at that point? Could you hear your mom?
I didn't have friends, so when I made friends, and maybe they wouldn't have wanted to stay out and have fun and not go to class, I was like, “Okay,” because friendship was so important because I didn't have that for so long. I was looking outside myself for those connections and followed along.
What would make you stop going to school?
It’s because they would be let's go out and party or, “Let's skip class and go to lunch.” It was like, “I've skipped too many now. I probably need to stop.”
What did you do? What kind of work?
I worked at a department store. I did that for a while and worked at a shoe store, sold shoes, and then got my job. I worked at a grocery store and was good at ten-key data entry. Someone saw me and said, “You could come and work at the bank. We have positions where you could do that. You are pretty fast.” That's how I started to work.
What's funny about that is there's a whole generation that has no idea what you are talking about. I remember even when computers stopped having the keypad on the side, I had a plug-in thing. The whole thing was to figure out how fast you could go and know where the numbers were. Who noticed you? This is important. Why was that person noticing you?
It was interesting. Her name was Raynell Adams, and I still talk to her occasionally. She said, “I changed your life,” and she did. She was at the bank full-time and then was working in the evenings at the grocery store. She said they were always looking for people, and I seemed friendly, which is another key to what has helped me so far. She noticed me. I struck up a good conversation with her and she said, “Why don't you apply?”
What was it that you applied for?
It was a data entry operator. The one that I was a badass. I processed payments for companies. I did that for a little bit. I was good at it and was friendly. I was always on time. I started to get promoted to Shift Supervisor and Manager. That's when the company paid the tuition assistance. I thought, “This is silly for me not to finish if they are going to pay for some of it.” That's why it took me so long because they did a smaller portion but I did part-time until I finished.
What did you go for?
My undergrad is in Computer Information Systems Networking, and my Master's is in Internet Information Systems. I've got the hardware and the software side.
You went at night then. What bank was this?
It was Mellon, but now, it's BNY Mellon.
They had the tuition assistance. You went back to the same college you had started. Was that Robert Morris?
Yeah. Robert Morris University.
When did you decide to get your Master's?
Finding Your Own Path: Take a minute to look inside instead of looking outside for validation.
It was an integrated program. I only had to add on an extra year, and I would be able to get both degrees at the same time. I thought, “I'm here. I might as well finish it off.” I graduated with both degrees and was pregnant with my third child. I got married there too.
Where did you meet your husband?
At BNY Mellon.
BNY Mellon changed your life. When you came back, you had the Master's and everything, what changed about your career at the bank?
It was interesting. I could see the change. The things that I saw, people levels higher than me talking about, I understood now. I had that same language. Once I got my degree, I moved up three different positions to Project Manager finally, within maybe a year and a half. Every time I got a job, they would say, “You are doing a good job. The person you report to is going to do something else. How about you take that job?”
Did you want to be a project manager?
I liked it. I'm organized. I like people and want people to feel connected. I also liked that it changes all the time.
I find it inspiring that you like people when you have been bullied. That's a belief system you have to break over time when you've had a bad experience like that. What sets people apart that can withstand hard things is to not think the world is horrible, where you still have hope. Why do you think you have that?
It's inside of me. I am always optimistic. Maybe people get annoyed but I always think there's a way out. I feel like I've solved some pretty big problems for me. Financially, I'm doing okay. I got through that poverty. I didn't end up on drugs or any of those things that could have happened. I think of the way my life could have gone, so I thought, “If I can do that, we can do anything.”
There is a choice. When we have hard things happen, we blame it for all the bad things that happen after, where we take responsibility for our life and say, “It's up to us to change the future. It's a hard thing to go about.” What do you think now, first, as a parent? It's hard when you don't have that example. Now, as a parent, you've got three children, “I make that conscious decision to do it differently.” How did you go about making that decision, and what do you watch about yourself?
Having kids, for sure. One of the saddest things to me is when kids are bullied, sometimes they don't see that there's hope. Whatever they are bullied for, they don't see that things can be different. I always made sure my kids knew never to bully anyone because I had experience but also to help those kids. Some of the proudest things for me is that I saw my son stick up for someone. He didn't know I was watching. Don't do that. We don't do that. That makes such a difference like, “If you can help one person, maybe that kid will remember that and will change the path that he's on.” I always wanted my kids to know that, which they do. Things change. Even the bad things are not going to last forever.
My son does have Sibs where you can help other kids in the school and these big rock initiatives. He does the same thing about bullying. It's hard. I talked to them about it because they are in high school but they go to the middle school once a year and then if there's anyone sitting alone, they sit with them. I was like, “Is that good?” I'm not sure because like you said, you were embarrassed to go use your food stamps or whatever. Does that point out that that kid is by themselves because someone went and targeted them? It's one of those things where you are trying to do a good thing but is it a good thing? You don't know.
It is tough.
It's so important to have that awareness and try to give back. That is such a good example. Where do you see the lessons you've learned that you use in your leadership style, in your family or with your spouse now?
I’m always trying to make sure I'm a better leader. I want to make sure again that everyone feels they are a part of the team. That is a lot from my childhood. I didn't want anyone to feel excluded. My team feels connected. They actually all have lunch together every Tuesday, which I love. It's like that connection. I always want to see them move forward in their career.
I want to know what it is they want and try to help them get there. We talk about mentorship but it's more about sponsorship and making sure you are taking them with you. That's what I try to do. Whether it be at PMI, I want to help people to get the job that they want or here at Dollar Bank for sure. That's why I like Dollar Bank. That's their motto too. It is to help the community because we are a community bank.
How did you end up there?
It was the connections, the friendships I made. I was working. I did a two-year stint as a consultant because I thought, “I've never done this before. Let's go try this.” I made a friend who was consulting here and said, “They have an opening, and you might be interested.” I met my boss, who is the greatest guy. If I had to pick someone to be a father figure, he would be it. He's smart. He's great. My interview was supposed to be an hour. It was two hours, and we probably could have kept talking. I was like, “This is where I belong.”
From all those years of getting bullied or not having friends or feeling alone, do you ever have that rise up in you where you have to get rid of the self-talk and what do you do to get rid of it?
Finding Your Own Path: Being full-time everywhere is probably a lot so try to make appointments to make sure you keep up with great friends. You do not want to lose those connections.Finding Your Own Path: Being full-time everywhere is probably a lot so try to make appointments to make sure you keep up with great friends. You do not want to lose those connections.
It happens. When there's laughter as you walk by or something, you always have that like, “Is that because of me? What's happening?” Always think back to you are not in fourth grade. You are an adult. They are not laughing at you. It takes a minute to look inside. Of course, I still check to make sure nothing is hanging out that shouldn't be but after that, looking inside is a key for me instead of looking outside for validation.
Do you meditate?
I do meditate. I do yoga too. I use the Peloton app. Sometimes it's to get to sleep. My kids do it too, when they are nervous or stressed. A lot of things, even moving positions, will sometimes help if you are in a stressful situation or taking your shoulders down. I usually meditate in the afternoon at home. If I'm working from home, sometimes that's what I will do for lunch. It's not long. I probably need to increase that. It’s for 5 or 10 minutes, depending on the thing or sometimes before sleep, I will do that as well.
The thing was meditation is it’s more about that you actually got the release or the observation of what's happening. Through your practice, if you've observed yourself having that negative self-talk, are there any mantras or words that help you to get out of it?
I don't know. I guess there should be.
Is it your breath? What is it?
I focus on breathing, for sure. Short, shallow, like, “You need to stop doing that,” and breathe in for sure. It makes such a difference. You can feel that.
It's amazing how we have this natural way to reset. Your story is inspiring. Thank you for being so open with the audience. It's important for people to read those stories. Everyone walks around and sees you as you but they don't know that we are all walking around with stories. I would like to ask a rapid-fire question. You pick a category. It's either family and friends, money, spiritual or health.
Family and friends.
Things or actions I don't have that I want.
More time to spend with my family and friends. I get so busy. I volunteer a lot. It's all the whole trying to be connected and making sure I'm helping others, that I don't have as much time with family and friends. One time, we had a big birthday. My husband and I have birthdays that are a day apart. We have been celebrating and had friends come and meet us, and it was like, “I need to do this more often.”
Where do you volunteer?
For PMI. I also volunteer for my school district. Shaler Townships. I'm the President of the Education Foundation. That's where I get to say, “Let's give to the kids who might be sitting by themselves or sitting in the corner.”
You face it and change the narrative. When you are going back, you see it in a different way than you did as a child. That's awesome. Things or actions I do have that I want to keep.
All the friends I have. I have a lot of friends. I have great friends, even the people I work with. That, for sure, is important to my family and me.
Things or actions I don't have that I don't want.
Little kids. I'm glad I had three of them but that whole toddler, when they can't say anything, that’s not for me.
Let's say I enjoy my friendships with my kids. Things or actions that I do have that I don't want.
Being full-time everywhere is probably a lot. It's great to have friends, and I love it but it's trying to make those appointments, making sure I keep up with them. I don't want to lose those connections. Work is pretty demanding. I’m making sure that if I could have more time for those things, that might be great.
I realized we didn't come back around as an adult with your mom and your grandmother. How did that resolve? Did they understand the path that you took, and are they supportive of it?
Finding Your Own Path: Don't give up anything you want to do. You can do anything if you just put your mind to it.
They didn't understand. Even now, when you tell someone you are a project manager or PMO director, they don't know what that is. That's okay. They wanted the best for me, I hope.
That's all that you can ask for. Is there anything that we didn't talk about or do you want to make sure that people walk away from this conversation as we conclude?
Look inside yourself, everyone says that but don't give up. Anything you want to do, you can. You just have to put your mind to it. Everybody finds a path in a different way, and all of these things sound like clichés but I was always looking for someone else to tell me how to get to this seat or, “How did you do it?” Everyone’s path is different. You have to make sure you are on the right one for you.
Thank you so much for being a guest and sharing your story.
Thank you. It was so fun to talk to you. Thanks so much.
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Now for my Mindful Moments on this interview with Kim Reed. I literally need to take a deep breath on this one. I am so inspired by her story, vulnerability, and authenticity, all the words she shared with us during this interview. As we got off, I said to her that there are so many successful people out there that if you look at them from the outside or see their family or see their job, you think life was perfect for them, and things came easy.
This is a great example of we don't know the stories people are walking around with and what's inside of them. When we can be more real with each other about who we are, that's where the connection is created. It also creates a deeper understanding and transparency amongst us to understand what might trigger somebody.
If you knew this about Kim now, would that change how you might interact with her, understanding the fact that there could be trigger points? If someone works for you that's going through change, and you understand what triggers them, would you approach a conversation or things differently because of it? When we have that deeper understanding of one another, it can change everything, not only in our relationships, our friendships, and our families but also in our business relationships.
I talk a lot about the fact that when we go to work, a lot of times we put these masks on. Not our COVID mass but our mask of what we think it's supposed to look like, what we think someone is supposed to say and do, and how to act instead of being who we are and letting that show through. It’s like this conversation with Kim, her positivity and optimism are something that is contagious that actually attract the people around her.
She didn't take some of these experiences from being a child and bullied and let that color her future of making connections and networking for the things that she needed to do. Also, to make friends and to believe in those friendships and not feel like those people weren't faking it or might not like her tomorrow. All of those messages that we might have, that self-talk in our head, that's important for us to overcome so that we can find happiness and bliss. When I talk about business balance and bliss, that is bliss.
It's the maintenance of happiness. When we feel ourselves get off, those are the moments that we need to step back. She talked about meditating and taking the deep breaths that we need to take. Also, finding ways, we can give back. She has shown so many ways to give back in her career and life and understands that if we can help just one person, we've made a difference. Sometimes we think that if it's not a huge difference if it's not on a billboard and lights and everyone notices or we get an award, that it didn't matter.
Everything matters. One person matters that we change our life. When she talks about her coworker at the grocery store that actually noticed her skill that changed her life, when we are aware, watching the people around us, and finding ways that we could actually help them get to the next level, that's what giving back is.
It's always reaching for that next person to give them an opportunity so that we can feel we are multiplying how we want our environment to be, how we want our communities to be, not just expecting everyone to go it alone because we did. Maybe it was hard for us, so it should be hard for somebody else. That isn't what it's about to be a human and to create that human connection.
Ending with her own words is important. It is to look inside yourself, and no matter what you have been through, don’t give up. Do not look to the outside. Look within and find your own path. It's important to find the people that you look up to or are inspired by that can help you get knowledge and attain knowledge that will help you get the right skills.
We each have a very individual path. We are not in competition with one another. We all have a unique path. Being yourself is what will create success however you define success. The most important part is to create bliss, that maintenance of happiness so that you are not only able to create the energy that you want for yourself but you are doing that for the people around you as well.
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About Kimberly Reed
I am currently the VP/Director of the Project Management Office at Dollar Bank. I have worked as a Senior Manager/Technology Solution Consultant. I was previously with BNY Mellon for 25 years. I have a bachelor’s degree in Computer Information Systems and a Master’s Degree in Internet Information Systems.
I wouldn’t be in IT if I didn’t have a bunch of certifications:
Project Management Certification
PMI- ACP
IT-CMF Certificated Professional,
Advanced Scrum Master,
Certified Product Owner,
Safe Agilist
LeSS certification
I love to mentor others! In addition to helping new Project Managers build their careers in Project Management, I have mentored with PA Mentoring (High School Students) and Robert Morris University (College Juniors and Seniors). Giving back to the community is important to me and I enjoy serving as the President of the Shaler Area Education Foundation.
I live in Shaler Township with my husband, three children (Zach 22, Madison 20, and Zoe 16) and two dogs (Beau – goldendoodle and Lando – Yorkie).