Episode #6: Modeling A New Perspective With An Open Heart: Taking 100% Responsibility With Samantha Moe and Dr. Tye Moe
Most of an adult's behavior patterns can be linked from childhood. The type of family you had, childhood experiences, or even traumas at birth can significantly shape how you communicate and interact with different situations. In this episode, Samantha and Tye Moe help us understand Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) and the different coping techniques that are available. This segment will help you and your child train the brain to think positively, learn healing methods from within, and cultivate a healthier environment for child-rearing.
—-
Watch the episode here:
Listen to the podcast here:
Modeling A New Perspective With An Open Heart: Taking 100% Responsibility With Samantha Moe and Dr. Tye Moe
In this episode, I interview Samantha Moe of Mad 2 Glad parent coaching and Dr. Tye Moe of Whole Family Chiropractic. Samantha and Tye equip parents with information and tools to lead their family to less worry and more ease. They also help parents make sense of behavior and health struggles and guide them in ways to action and turn things around. You may wonder, “Why are we talking about children?” That’s because we start our belief systems as a child and the environments that we create. Those start driving into our adulthood. What we discussed in this podcast is how to have a positive effect on our health as adults and help us to create a better environment whether at work or at home.
-—
I am so excited about my discussion with Samantha and Tye Moe. To get started, I would love for the two of you to give a little bit of background on yourself and what you do before we start getting into the conversation.
Thank you for having us.
We are so happy to be here with you, Amy.
We love having you.
Thank you. I am a certified parent coach here in Saint Paul, Minnesota and I work nationally over Zoom. I'm working with families to help them make sense of their child's challenging behaviors and shift their own parenting approach so that their kids become better listeners and they have positive connections at home.
I am a neurological chiropractor also in Saint Paul, Minnesota. We work with the whole family to help their nervous system connect so their brain can talk to their body and their body can get good, positive, clear messages into the brain. We commonly help kiddos struggling with anxiety, ADHD, sensory issues, poor sleep to calm their brain and then also help their body function better so they have a stronger immune system, better digestion and natural ways to help heal the body.
To explain to our audience why you guys are on and why I'm so excited to interview you is in the whole show, our mission is to talk about how a lot of these beliefs internally get developed as we're children. We take it into adulthood, and it affects us in the workplace and affects how we interact in our families and so forth. One thing that I've definitely found as a yoga studio owner is the sooner we can get children in to start learning coping skills and those sorts of things. We start training the mind so that once we're in adulthood, even if you stop along the way, you're like, “I remember that moment that I felt a little bit calmer, what was I doing?” I thought it was important to have this discussion because as adults, we can't go back to being kids and nor would we want to. It's important to understand how we got here and what are tools that you work with children? How do we help our children so we don't repeat the same patterns and then how do we help ourselves to break from those patterns? I would love to start with just what's your story? How did you get into this field in the first place and the belief systems that either you broke to be in the occupations you're in or is it things that you always had?
I grew up in a strict and conservative family in a suburb in Minnesota and there were seven people in my family. I was always a pleaser. The fourth child out of five, I wanted a lot of harmony in the family. That also meant that I didn't develop a strong voice until I was in my later twenties. I saw the evidence of this deep internal stress of not knowing how to speak about the stress I was experiencing in my family because the winter of my tenth-grade year, my sophomore year of high school, I would wake up. It was still dark outside, a cold winter and I would go upstairs to make breakfast. As I would put the bread in the toaster, about the same time every morning, the room would start going black and I could still hear my dad listening to the radio because he was always up to drive me to high school.
I had these blackout episodes that later I learned were panic attacks because of internalized anxiety. Fast forward to my graduate schooling at the University of Minnesota, in 2004 when I graduated in Communication Disorders, the reason I chose that path is that I understood what it felt like to be closed in kid where I looked a certain way on the outside, which was like I looked accomplished. I got my Master's degree by the time I was 21 years old, but the stress internally was so deep that I decided to work with kids who had autism so I could draw them out and help to reveal their gifts.
Let me pause on that story a little bit because there are moments in that decision process, I'm sure. How did you even admit or identified to yourself that this is happening?
How old were you in tenth grade? I was about fifteen years old. I didn't know that was happening when I was fifteen. I realize it when I was 27 years old and working with a life coach and she was talking to me about the anxiety that I was feeling in my work environment as a speech pathologist. I was making great progress with kids, but I would find myself at lunchtime going out into my car to hide and take a nap, to have enough energy to get through the day because I was in much stress all the time. The life coach I went, I sought her out to help me sort through like how do I enjoy my work again?
Those are hard things to admit that are happening in our life, especially when we're trying to project something else forward. When you were choosing that path, was it because of what you saw the life coach did for you? How did you make that decision?
I saw that kids were under a lot of stress and I had a heart for that. I wanted to solve the problem in my own life. I would be working with a parent of a four-year-old who had autism and I'd be teaching them ways that they could calm their meltdown and they could learn language skills to say, “I love you,” or make friends so that they could have a play date. I have this great plan for them. The parent would come into my office and they'd say, “Samantha, I can't get my kid to do that. I'm so exhausted and I don't know how to get my kid to listen. It feels impossible.”
I think it's hard because we might set out in our life to do certain things or to accomplish certain things. There are those moments where you start listening intuitively to yourself of this is the path I'm going to go. It's a bigger purpose. Tye, what about you? What led you to be doing what you do now?
You mentioned, we sometimes set on a certain path and then we changed course. I was always being holistically minded. When I was in elementary school, we lived in the country in a log home on 40 acres. I spent all my days playing outside, running around the woods and becoming in tune with nature and going to school. I loved learning how the human body worked. I remember in anatomy lab and physiology lab, and all these things that we'd be dissecting, rats, Guinea pigs, worms, and birds and just loving to learn how anybody worked. Looking into different healthcare options, I toured the chiropractic school here in Minnesota in the Twin Cities and one of the doctors talked about helping a boy with asthma. I thought, “How could that even be possible?”
He was explaining how when the brain is controlling everything in the body, all the messages are going down the spinal cord. As they go down the spinal cord, they leave little nerve channels to go to all the body parts. He put up an X-ray and said, “For this teenage boy, he's had asthma for years, and an inhaler for years. This part of the spine here in the upper back, those nerves go to his lungs.” He showed on the X-ray, that part of his spine was off leading to his asthma. He started adjusting him and all of a sudden, the boy got off his inhaler and his asthma went away. I thought, “That is some amazing potential for the body to heal itself when it can work normally.” That opened my eyes to the power that chiropractic can bring to the healing.
Was this something that you had seen as an example in your family to go in a career path like this?
To some degree, my aunt and uncle are chiropractors. I was aware of the field, but I never sat down and had this conversation with them. It didn't open my eyes until I was able to be at that tour.
It's interesting how it would have taken the courage from such a different lifestyle that you lived in to put yourself out there to go down this path. What gave you the confidence to do it? What do you think?
One of the things that for myself, I've always been a pretty withdrawn and not the go-getter that I’ll put myself out in these vulnerable situations. I lived in a small town and my undergrad was in Green Bay. It's a little bit bigger and all of a sudden chiropractic schools in the Twin Cities, which is way bigger. The biggest thing when we talk about beliefs here, it was probably my mom saying like, “You're smart, you're intelligent, you're going to go to college, you're going to get a good job and you're going to do well.” Looking back, there are times where from the outside, other people might've thought, “It could go either direction,” but I remember that belief was so firmly ingrained at a young age. It's almost like I didn't have a choice. It was like, “These things are going to happen no matter what.”
Samantha and I have talked before about the ACE which is the Adverse Childhood Experiences study. That feeds into what you're talking about from the reverse side. For those of you that don't know about this study, it is about adverse childhood experiences we have as children that end up affecting us throughout our life. One of the biggest things that came out of that study was the difference between having a safe, nurturing environment versus people that don't and the disease that it causes and so forth in your life which is why the two of you meld so well together with what you do. Also in order to change an environment, to change the energy that you're putting out there, when you create a safe and nurturing environment, people respond in different ways. It doesn't have to be your parent. In your example it was, but not necessarily. It's more this environment we create. How have you seen this in play with children that you work with and maybe even seeing it in play with the family and what the parents have had to do to change in order to affect the trauma that a child is going through?
One of the reasons that we're on this podcast together is that we both have that same end goal in mind. We want to provide great experiences for kids to help them have that brighter future. We talk a lot about how Samantha's work is looking at the outside. She's looking at that external environment, just like you were talking about that we see with the ACEs piece as these adverse childhood experiences, these events that are on the outside that cause a neurological change on the inside. In our office, rather than the outside in approach, we're looking at the inside out approach. We have neurological scans that can measure how the nervous system is working. Is it in a stress mode or is it in a calm, safe mode? Are there stresses stuck along different areas of the nervous system, along the spine or are things working properly?
We have a lot of examples specifically for the audience. If you think about a child who has a traumatic experience, things that might involve death, injury, abuse or neglect, it's obvious to think. Trauma is going to affect you adversely but what we also see is that things that create significant stress in children and make them feel unsafe and develop these beliefs that they're not good enough or they should be afraid of other people that also can lead to something like heart disease when they're 40 years old.
An example that I'll share of this for maybe the average audience is that it's not just crazy abuse or neglect situations that impact how you show up as an adult or in the workplace or how you operate in terms of your mental well-being. In my family, I grew up in a very fundamentalist religion. While we were all closely connected, when I started my business seven years after working in the field of autism so that it could help families of children with all types of diagnoses, I realized that I was afraid of connecting with people that I didn't know. People who weren't in my immediate community, not to blame preachers, teachers, or parents and yet as a kid, those are how our beliefs are formed, those influential adults. I had to do a lot of self-talking, meditation practice around feeling safe with people because otherwise how do we connect with them? How do we be of service in the world?
Adverse Childhood Experiences: When a belief was so firmly ingrained at a young age, it’s like you don’t have a choice and these things are going to happen no matter what.
Just like you, I'm older now but at 32, I went through that same phase myself and was in deep therapy almost three hours a week. I'm putting myself through it to deprogram the messages that were in my head as well. I didn't even realize that. By the time I was going to therapy, I was still thinking as my sixteen-year-old brain. I was still viewing it from that perspective until I started having children and I was like, “That doesn't seem right.” I started feeling off internally and creating that awareness of, “Is that what I'm going to follow because that's what I was taught?” Breaking free from it is hard work. I'm writing a book on this and one of the things that I talk about in my book is second-generation Holocaust survivors.
This syndrome applies to all kinds of trauma where someone else is living out the pain of the generation before them and before them. If they break away from it, then how guilty they feel or they're looked at as a deserter and so forth. When you're dealing with parents because you're dealing it from both perspectives, in order to have help the child, we've talked about creating a safe, nurturing environment, but in order to do that, the adult has to break free from their belief systems. You can help from a therapy perspective and you can help from a medical perspective, but if the environment doesn't change, it's very hard to help the child. What do you do with the adult side of this?
I don't know if this sounds cheesy or whatever but we always start with love and non-judgment. Non-judgment is T because we all have programming that separates us from other people. We want to understand that humans are humans and if we can lead them to their own potential and reflect that to them, they have an opportunity to step into that level. For myself, as Tye was saying, working on the outside in. When I'm working with parents and their kids are having meltdowns and disrespectful behavior and cursing or getting kicked out of school, all these different things. The place that I start with them is I start asking transformational questions. What your brain does when you ask a question is it wants to find the answer to a question.
For example, I might ask a parent in the first session, “What's challenging at home?” They'll say things like, “My kids are having meltdowns and they won't go to bed at night. That's why I'm here,” which is a very surface level. You might say that to your friend, but then I'll ask them, “What does that feel like?” Parents will often say things that they preface with, “I feel like the worst parent for saying this out loud. If I were to be honest, I love my kid and I don't like them,” or they’ll say things like, “I sit in my car at the end of the day trying to convince myself to walk across the threshold of our front door because I don't even want to go home at night.” When we can begin admitting the things that are challenging for us and what that feels like for our human experience, now we have this opening where we can ask more of a desire question, “What do you want to feel instead?” I want to feel energized and I want to have peace of mind. I want to feel like it's fun to be a parent. These transformational questions start opening up new potential for parents so that we can plug things in to say if you want that, here's the path to get there tactically speaking.
You also don't know if that child's reminding them of some relative that affects them adversely because these personality traits flow through.
I'm going to nudge you a little bit here because I keep hearing epigenetics. We’ve got to talk about epigenetics because you're talking about the second generation and how we can carry trauma through our genes even though I'm the second generation hasn't physically experienced that environment. Sometimes that's what we're doing when parents are like, “My kid was intense from day one,” and they're trying to figure it out, “Am I a bad parent? Is this the chicken or the egg?” We've got this epigenetic thing going on that chiropractic is good at turning off some of those switches that are creating stress and sending signals back up to create kid’s behaviors and identities.
Sometimes we have that situation where it's day one, they were colicky, they were throwing everything up, and they never slept. They're crying all the time, they didn't nurse and all these things. What we'll see in those situations oftentimes are something in the birth process, maybe in the pregnancy, in the prenatal period that these stress signals are starting to get slipped on in that little baby. For example, the birth process is a lot of stress on the neck and the neck has a huge amount of either calm or stress into the brain. We had a family come in, 30 hours of labor and the child wasn't progressing because they were transverse. In each contraction, the baby was just bending and bending, ended up with a C-section and a ton of stress going on here. What happens when that's off is locking in the fight or flight response in that child's brain. All of a sudden, this fight or flight, it's going and going and parents don't know why. They think, “He was born with that or she was born with that.” That's one of the things that we look to do then is reset those patterns on the inside to then if we can get that child out of that chronic fight or flight, then the external environmental changes can have a deeper impact.
As the adult in the situation because I take this from the perspective of we want to be better for the people around us, whether at home or at work. A lot of times, what you're referring to with even your children, I would probably say, my first son that was born, it was very traumatic. He was a preemie. I didn't feel we are bonding right away. There was so much stress happening, the wires everywhere, apnea monitors. I kept going, “I'm good. This is okay,” because you're trying to get through it and you're thinking, “Maybe the baby's never going to love me.” He's one of my best friends now. We have a tendency like you were using the example of, “My kid has always been bad,” and so forth.
We do this in the workplace a lot too, where we blame other people for the experiences that we're having rather than stepping back and going, “What is my place in this experience? How am I affecting this and which of these patterns and behaviors came from me?” through childhood trauma because everyone's had something. Maybe not but for the majority of people through the research, many have, I think it's four or more ACES. It's 67% of people which is the adverse childhood experiences, which means ACE. The thing about it is when we find ourselves in these situations, we start repeating the behavior in adulthood whether that be leaving jobs or certain repeated arguments we get in our frustrations and so forth. What do you do to help people identify that? Besides the experience of the baby or the child had, how does the adult identify what they're bringing into that experience as well?
I want to share something before how do we help the adult identify? That is by having a direct conversation and hearing what the experience is like. In the workplace, people might say like, “Interacting with my colleagues is always a drag. There's always so much drama.” What they might not understand until this conversation is that they're seeking drama because their nervous system is wired more in fight or flight from my younger age. For us, modeling a new perspective and the perspective is one of a 100% responsibility. The things that are happening in your life, let's look at this from a perspective of how are you contributing here?
Which is so hard and that's something that I want to reinforce. It's hard to take 100% of the blame because as soon as you do, you go, “Yes, but there was still this,” and there was still the thing that they did. If you are not doing that self-fulfilling prophecy of justifying and you go to the place of like, “What is my place in it,” and you model different behavior the next time, how could that change the experience? I wanted to reinforce what you said there because it's important for the workplace especially.
That's why Tye and I both love the nervous system and how the brain works. Us talking to you about beliefs is like a concrete example and I'll let everybody think about how they could apply this in their workplace. A concrete family example that's going to seem obvious, but we don't think of it at the moment is if a child is screaming at their parent and saying things that a parent never wants to hear from a child. You know what some of those things are. I ask a parent, “How do you respond?” They say, “I started yelling at them.” I'm like, “You can't treat me that way. That's disrespectful.” Did you know that your child is yelling because their nervous system is in fight or flight? It's like all that fire in the brain. I say, "What do you think adds to the fire and what do you think puts out the fire?" Immediately they're like, "I shouldn't be yelling," or in the workplace like, “I shouldn't have sent that nasty email.”
It might have felt good at the moment.
It's maybe a little harder line of approach, but in the workplace, as an employer, a lot of times I'm talking to my team, there's a certain long time where you can have results or excuses, but not both. A simple example would be showing up on time. Years ago, I had a team member who it felt like 90% of the time, she couldn't find her car keys or there's traffic or there's construction outside her place or her window was frozen shot. It was never her fault. Even though somehow for her, 90% of the time she didn't make it on time to our meeting. The other thing that I teach my team is how you do anything is how you do everything. As the boss, as the manager, as the employer, I can't justify it, “That's a good excuse, that's not a good excuse.” I have to look at the patterns and what are the tendencies. If you're showing up on time most of the time, a few things may pop up and I'm not going to worry about it. Understanding that like what you do, the actions you take, the self-responsibility that you take, is it going to be the biggest thing that impacts everything else?
I think that's important and I would love to hear some examples that you've done yourself as a couple or at work, where you've applied this yourself. One of the things that I think as a leader or even as a parent is to not treat everyone equally. Everyone comes from a different place, a different trauma, and different patterns and behavior. When she's forgetting her keys every week, every time she walks in, you make sure to make a face so that everybody knows it creates stress in the room for everybody else. It's the same thing with our children, the children are different. They have different temperaments and emotional needs. How do you shift and pivot for that? What are some things that you've had to do to change yourselves based on the knowledge that you have to be able to better respond at home or at work that has helped you?
For me, because I had this belief of being afraid of people, I realized that my self-talk when it was in a challenging situation was I would say things like, I hate that person in my head. I don't want to say it out loud but I'm sure there are other people who have that self-talk too. I got the free Insight Timer app and for a solid year, I committed to setting it for five minutes every single morning. I sat facing out the window so I could feel the sun as it was rising in the morning. I literally only tuned in to what is the sensation of love. If I come from my regular patterning of being afraid of people or rejecting them first, because I'm afraid of them, I'm going to be in a bad spot and not able to help.
I was listening to Oprah's podcast and I wish I could remember the name of the guy. He was talking about when they've done research on people meditating, the majority of people are wishing bad things on other people which is interesting. When you're taking those moments and you're letting the anger come out rather than coming to a place of peace or shifting those thought processes. It hit me when he talked about that. It's the same thing we do as self-talk is, how do we become aware of it so that we don't show up in the way that we don't want in the world? What about you, Tye?
My example is, growing up, while I had a very loving environment, for whatever reason, I was always very afraid of what others were thinking of me. Afraid of others in a different way like, “Were they judging me? Are they criticizing me? What are they thinking of me?” Being afraid of rejection.
What would make you think they were judging you? What type of things did you think they were judging you on?
How I looked, what I was wearing, what I was saying or am I smart enough? There was a point where in seventh grade, I had moved a town because my parents had been divorced and so I was in a new town, a new student and new everything. I was trying to make friends but not very social. No matter what happens, I got to start making friends and I was in math class and Mrs. Knacks asked us a question. I remember my neighbor, Dustin, he raises his hand, she calls on him and he answers. She's like, “Nope, sorry, that's not right.” I raised my hand, she goes, "Yes, Tye?" I answered correctly and she goes, "Yep, you got it." I was pretty smart in math. I'm like, "I knew the answer." All of a sudden, I had this thought hit me like, “I'm supposed to be making friends here. I shouldn't be a know-it-all.” All of a sudden everything shut down and went inward because I was so afraid of like, “That's not how you make friends is by showing people up.” That for me was a pivotal moment.
How have you changed that you feel good about speaking up?
As a realization a couple of years ago and looking at the nervous system and especially unconscious patterns, I was realizing the self-defense mechanism that I created was, “If I'm worried about you judging me, if I can find something that's a little bit off or that I don't like about you or a weak point in you, just in case you come criticizing me, I'll have that as ammunition.” Even though I love people and I get along with them well, what I was finding is that was my first impression of someone is looking for something that was wrong with them. As soon as I realized this, if I'm meeting someone that I'm not leading with an open heart, I'm not leading with love. As soon as that hit me, I dedicated a full year and what I did is I set a goal for five days a week, five people a day.
For the first few months out of the year, as soon as I looked at someone, I would say, “What's positive about you? Do I like your hair? Do I like your smile? Do I like what you're wearing?” I did that. The next few months, I said, “What's something in you that I wish I had in me?” The next few months I said, “What's something in you that I'm grateful for?” In the last few months, I said, “What's something in you that's the same in me?” I started building these instinct connections. I was leading with love and openness, and something I liked about a person and that shifted my energy around it.
That is important as far as you have to train your brain to think positively and to not wish bad on other people. We're all in our own journeys and realizing everyone's got their own experiences and how we meet each of those people is a very individual connection.
Adverse Childhood Experiences: Chiropractic is good at turning off some of the switches that are creating stress.
It's the funniest thing in our relationship because whenever we go out to eat for date night or whatever, the server comes up to us and Tye will turn to them when they present, even handing the waters and he makes sure to say hello like full smiles, dimple out and everything. They're not sure what to do because he's so loving all the time.
I'm going to ask you some rapid-fire questions that I ask all the guests. Each of you can pick a category. You pick a category between family and friends, money, spiritual and health. Samantha, which one do you want to do?
Since we talked so much connection, let's talk about money.
Things or actions that I don't have that I want with the money.
I would like a bigger house because we live in a condo. We then could have a home birth in a year or two.
Things or actions I do have that I want with the money.
Things I have materialistically, I got a wet suit to go kiteboarding in North Carolina so I'll be warm.
Things or actions I don't have that I don't want, as far as money.
I do not have an updated car with Bluetooth. All of my dials are old school and I don't want one because my little Toyota Scion is like a jellybean that fits in every little space.
Things or actions that I do have that I don't want as far as money.
I've got a healthy draw on my line of credit right now since I'm going through re-branding.
Tye, which category?
I'm going to go money as well.
Things or actions I don't have that I want with the money.
Something that I don't have that I want would be a registration for this three-day Gulf camp that's going to refine my short game and bring out my game.
Things or actions I do have that I want.
I have regarding money an amazing $2 bill collection that my grandma sends me on. She sends me a card and the $2 bill every day. She's been doing it for a long time.
Things or actions that I don't have that I don't want.
A big health statement.
Things or actions that I do have that I don't want.
Regarding money, still some student loans that we're chipping away at.
I came away with a lot from our discussion but probably the biggest thing is the open heart as we work with other people and coming from a place of love and non-judgment. I don't think that's something that you can just decide to do. You both talked about your journeys, especially that year journey that you talked about trying to train your brain to do this. We have to realize that this is work in order to pivot the way we are at work or with our family. Any takeaways that you would like people to leave with?
We talked about a 100% responsibility as well. In line with love and non-judgment, the cool thing about this talk is that there's always something you can do if that's our topic. You can always refine your own love and non-judgment or find a practitioner, a life coach, or somebody like that who can support you in that process if it's too hard.
I know you do help parents virtually as well. Do you want to talk a little bit about what you do?
Adverse Childhood Experiences: Train your brain to think positively. Look for things that you appreciate in a person. When you are in this mindset, your energy will shift.
I like guiding parents to have more peace at home. I'm super tactical. I'm a high achiever so I'm like, “Let me show you how to get it done.” Once we clear emotional baggage, those things tend to unfold in a smooth phase. If people want to get a hold of me, I have a free email report for parents who want to know, What are the hidden landmines that I'm doing that are causing stress to my child? It's 10 Hidden Landmines. It's through my website, Mad2Glad.com. It's on the homepage. If you want that free PDF, you can click the button and caveat, most people are guessing like, “I might fall into one, two or three categories. Please don't be surprised. I don't think anybody has ever said they fail in less than seven categories. It's designed to give you good information for self-reflection.
I want to thank you both very much for being on and sharing your knowledge. It's been great and exactly how I'd hoped.
We loved it, too. Thank you so much, Amy.
We love your show. Thank you, Amy.
-—
I'd like to take some time for time mindful moments before we rush back into our day, to step back and take in some of the concepts that we talked about during this podcast. Some things that stuck out to me was first off, when Samantha talked about transformational questions that she asks parents. I believe this is something that we should also think about in the workplace or if we're dealing with clients or customers. A lot of times when we ask questions, we get a surface answer but not necessarily dig deeper to understand how someone's feeling versus what they're thinking. What can we do in our life rather than passing judgment on an outward action that we may see, but instead seek to understand with what they say is an open heart but also non-judgment?
This is something we have to practice because it's hard. This is not the way our brains function. We immediately size people up, take in their actions or behavior and make our own assumptions but a lot of times, we don't understand the triggers that are setting people off which goes into our discussion about trauma. When we've experienced trauma in our childhood, this carries into our adulthood unless we do something about it, unless we work on it. That was what Tye was talking about with epigenetics. We carry trauma between the generations whether that's passed through DNA or whether it's passed through different behaviors that we saw as we were growing up that started belief systems internally within us.
It's important to take those moments and step back as an adult. Rather than blaming what's happened before us or the experiences that have happened when we were younger, what can we do now to change the future, to change how we interact with people and change that energy? I love their idea which is hard is modeling a new perspective by taking a 100% responsibility for the experiences that we're in. How could we take that into our lives and make sure that we understand that we have full responsibility in any experience whether it's with our employees, co-workers or in our home life? How do we take responsibility for what we bring into that experience? By forcing ourselves to take a 100% responsibility, what would that mean?
Granted, we all have different situations where we can't control whether it's abuse or different violent situations that you absolutely have to get out of. I'm talking about everyday occurrences. What can we take responsibility for so that maybe we show up a little different? That means stepping back and pausing and meeting people where they are with an open mind, with an open heart to make sure that when we hear an excuse for why certain things didn't get done, that we're not instantly reacting to the excuse itself but trying to understand what created that in the first place. One of the things that Tye said that was important is how you do anything is how you do everything.
If we want to change how we show up, it's important that people perceive us in a way we want them to. If we want them to perceive us as somebody that meets deadlines, as someone that's open to change, then we have to start working into those behaviors and taking responsibility for our own actions and how that impacts others. There is always something we can work on. There is never any quick fix to this. There's never any end which I've learned. Over time you may think, “I got this,” and then something else happens but what we want to create is that awareness and that open heart where we step back and say, "I need to see what my place in this experience is.” Have more outside awareness of what we bring into each situation and how we can continually try to strive to do better.
Important Links:
About Samantha Moe and Dr. Tye Moe
Dr. Tye and Samantha Moe are passionate about creating life on their terms. Personally, they define what fulfills them, and surround themselves with those very things. In their individual businesses, Mad2Glad Parent Coaching & Whole Family Chiropractic, they equip parents with information and tools to lead their families with less worry and more ease. They help parents make sense of behavior and health struggles and guide them in ways to action and turn things around. Dr. Tye and Samantha love helping parents move toward the life they've always envisioned with their family, ultimately turning frustration, exhaustion, and hopelessness into hope, ease, and fulfillment.
Love the show? Subscribe, rate, review, and share!
Join the Breaking Beliefs community today: