Building Trust Through Genuine Interest: A Lesson on Active Listening
In a recent Breaking Beliefs conversation, I sat down with Elise Powers and uncovered something fascinating about building authentic connections. It's a skill that can be taught from an incredibly young age. When Elise was just three years old, her parents had an unusual rule: she couldn't hand over the phone until she'd asked the caller at least three questions, with one being a follow-up to show she was really listening.
Questions That Transform Relationships
This childhood training shaped Elise's entire approach to relationships and leadership. "People often ask me what to talk about during client lunches or networking events," she shared. "The answer is whatever they want to talk about." It's a simple but powerful shift—instead of worrying about what to say, focus on what you can learn about the other person.
This resonated deeply with me because I've seen how this simple shift can transform business relationships. In my consulting work, I often notice that leaders get caught up in their message: what they want to say, how they want to say it, and what outcome they're hoping for. But the most successful conversations happen when we put our agenda aside and genuinely try to understand the other person's perspective.
Understanding Before Action
Leaders often come to me frustrated that their teams aren't following through on feedback or implementing changes. When we dig deeper, we usually discover they haven't created the foundation of trust needed for that feedback to land. They're trying to build a house without laying the groundwork first.
Elise shared a powerful insight: "Anyone has to understand that in order for someone to take your advice, to apply it, they have to trust you and they have to respect you." She emphasized that trust isn't earned through grand gestures but through consistent small actions over time.
Think about your own experiences. When have you been most receptive to feedback? Usually, it's from someone who has demonstrated that they understand and care about your perspective, not someone who jumps straight to telling you what to do.
Breaking Through Communication Barriers
One of the most valuable lessons from our conversation was about handling difficult workplace discussions. Elise recommended starting these conversations with acknowledgment and ownership:
Recognize past patterns: "I've been reflecting on how I've been showing up as a leader..."
Take responsibility: "I understand that my behavior hasn't been helpful..."
Share specific commitments: "Here's what I want to do differently..."
Create accountability: Schedule check-ins to assess progress and gather feedback.
The goal is to create psychological safety through consistent actions. Elise explained, "Trust is earned over time through repeated actions and micro-actions." This means following up on conversations, remembering personal details, and showing that you value the relationship beyond just work deliverables.
Small Actions, Lasting Impact
During our conversation, Elise shared a practice from her father that perfectly illustrates this approach. Before family gatherings, he would sit down with his children and review everyone's names and what they had shared at the last gathering. This allowed them to follow up meaningfully with questions like, "How did that work project turn out?" or "Did you enjoy your vacation to Spain?"
This level of intentional preparation might seem excessive, but it demonstrates genuine care and interest. This kind of thoughtful follow-up has become increasingly rare and, therefore, increasingly valuable.
Building Better Conversations
Want to strengthen connections with your team? Here are specific practices you can start today:
Before giving advice or feedback, ask at least three questions to understand their perspective.
Take brief notes after important conversations—what matters to them, what they're working on, what challenges they're facing.
Use phrases like "tell me more about that" to encourage deeper sharing.
Follow up on previous conversations, like their projects, challenges, or personal updates they shared.
Connect your feedback to their individual goals and aspirations.
Schedule regular check-ins focused on listening, not just directing.
Beyond Surface-Level Communication
The above communication practices create a ripple effect. When leaders demonstrate an authentic interest in their team members, it sets a standard for all workplace interactions. Team members begin to listen more deeply to each other, creating an environment where innovation and collaboration can flourish.
As Elise observed, "Once you see the power of taking an interest and what that does to another person, it almost becomes addicting where you want to give that gift to as many people as possible." I've witnessed this transformation in organizations. When leaders prioritize building genuine connections, they shift the entire culture from transactional to transformational.
Moving Forward
Building better communication habits takes practice and intention. Start with one conversation today where you focus solely on understanding the other person's perspective. Notice how this slight shift changes the dynamic and depth of your interaction.
Ready to transform your leadership approach? Download my free Work-Life Harmony workbook to begin your journey toward more authentic and effective leadership.
This article was inspired by my conversation with Elise Powers on the Breaking Beliefs podcast. Listen to the full episode for more insights on building authentic connections through communication.