Building Human Resiliency: Be Your Authentic Self Everywhere
Have you ever felt like you're wearing different masks at work and home—one version for work, another for home? What if you could bring your whole self to every part of your life? Not only is it possible, it’s the key to thriving in both.
I recently sat down with Dr. Robyne Hanley-Dafoe, a resiliency scholar and multi-award-winning author, for a fascinating conversation on my Breaking Beliefs podcast. Dr. Hanley-Dafoe's journey from high school dropout to university professor is a beautiful reminder of the power of resilience and authenticity.
The Five Pillars of Human Resiliency
Through her research, Dr. Hanley-Dafoe has identified five key variables that contribute to human resilience:
Sense of Belonging: Having at least one person in your corner who supports you.
Perspective: Aligning your head and heart to navigate the world authentically.
Acceptance: Acknowledging your past without letting it dictate your future.
Hope as a Strategy: Believing in better days ahead and working towards them.
Humor: Using laughter as a tool to create moments of relief and reset.
These pillars go beyond theoretical concepts. They're practical tools we can all use to build our resilience muscle.
The Power of True Integration
This concept goes beyond simply "being yourself." It's about cultivating a deep sense of self-awareness and consistency across all aspects of your life. When we compartmentalize our personalities—being one person at work, another with friends, and yet another with family—we create internal conflict and stress. This fragmentation can lead to feelings of inauthenticity and even burnout.
True integration involves:
Self-reflection: Regularly examining your values, beliefs, and behaviors across different contexts.
Alignment: Ensuring your actions and words match your core values, regardless of the setting.
Vulnerability: Being willing to show your true self, including your strengths and weaknesses, in all situations.
Consistency: Maintaining a coherent sense of self across various roles and relationships.
Embracing true integration allows us to bring our full selves—with all our unique experiences, insights, and creativity—to every interaction, enriching both our personal and professional lives.
Reframing Your Past, Shaping Your Future
Many of us get stuck in the past, letting old mistakes or traumas define us. Dr. Hanley-Dafoe's research shows that while learning from our past is important, we shouldn't dwell on it. Instead, we should focus on the present and use our experiences to inform our future decisions.
As she eloquently put it, "We can't fix our past. We need to review our past to help us make decisions going into the future, but we can't harp on our past for the rest of our lives."
By reframing our relationship with the past, we free ourselves from its constraints and open up new possibilities for growth and change. This doesn't mean ignoring or minimizing past traumas or mistakes. Rather, it's about integrating these experiences into our personal narrative in a way that empowers rather than limits us.
Hope as a Strategy
One of the most powerful concepts we discussed was the idea of hope as a strategy— actively envisioning a better future and taking steps to make it a reality.
Dr. Hanley-Dafoe suggests using mental rehearsal: "Start envisioning what it would be like when you've turned things to the point that you're trying to get to. How would it feel? How would it look? How would you react to things?"
This approach to hope involves several key components:
Visualization: Regularly and vividly imagining your desired future in detail.
Goal-setting: Breaking down your vision into concrete, achievable goals.
Action planning: Developing specific strategies to work towards these goals.
Resilience building: Preparing mentally for obstacles and setbacks.
Progress monitoring: Regularly assessing your journey and adjusting as needed.
Hope as a strategy is grounded in positive psychology and neuroscience. We stimulate neural pathways associated with motivation and problem-solving when actively engaging in hopeful thinking and planning. This improves our mood and enhances our cognitive flexibility and creativity in addressing challenges.
Moreover, this strategic approach to hope can create a self-fulfilling prophecy. As we consistently envision and work towards our goals, we're more likely to notice opportunities aligned with our vision and take advantage of them. This proactive stance can lead to tangible progress, reinforcing our hope and motivation.
Practical Steps to Build Your Resilience
Ready to start building your resilience? Here are some actionable steps based on our conversation:
Identify Your Support System: Who's in your corner? Nurture these relationships.
Practice Alignment: Regularly check in with yourself. Are your actions aligned with your values?
Accept Your Past: Acknowledge your experiences, learn from them, but don't let them define you.
Cultivate Hope: Envision your ideal future and create a plan to get there.
Find Your Humor: Even in tough times, look for moments of levity.
Be Authentic: Start showing up as your true self in all areas of your life.
The Ripple Effect of Resilience
What strikes me most about Dr. Hanley-Dafoe's work is the ripple effect of resilience. When we show up as our authentic selves and face challenges with resilience, we don't just improve our own lives—we inspire and uplift those around us.
As you reflect on your journey, consider both the resilience you've already shown and the opportunities you have to further strengthen this crucial skill. After all, in Dr. Hanley-Dafoe's words, "The energy that we create is better inside of us and we show up better for the people around us."
Are you ready to embrace your authentic self and build your resilience? It's about being present, real, and ready to face whatever comes your way.
Ready to dive deeper into strategies for building resilience and authenticity? Don't miss an episode of the Breaking Beliefs podcast. Subscribe now to start your journey towards creating a more resilient, authentic you.