Episode 149: Creating Work-Life Harmony: Overcoming Overwhelm
Amy Vetter covers actionable steps you can take to overcome the feeling of overwhelm. Be ready to be open and listen to the messages that arise for you when facing overwhelm to achieve work-life harmony like never before.
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Creating Work-Life Harmony: Overcoming Overwhelm
Welcome to this episode of the show. I am going to do a solo episode because of what I have seen with so many group consulting calls, helping leaders to be able to do the work that they want to do and be able to feel like they’re accomplishing the things that they want to accomplish. There have been some key things that have come up in the last couple of months that I’m going to do separate episodes here because so many of us feel those areas. It’s not an isolated feeling whereas a lot of times, we do feel it’s isolated because we’re in our own experience.
Those areas are overwhelmed, not having enough time, imposter syndrome, confidence, and communicating above or below you. I’m sure one or many of those might resonate with you. I know they resonate with me. It takes all of us to support one another and be accountable to make sure that we can get through those times when we’re feeling this way.
The first step in any of these areas is being aware that you feel this way. Some of us run through our lives and we might be feeling off, but we don’t step back, pause, and try to understand what are the feelings that we’re having that’s inside of us that we’re pushing down all day to get through the day. That piece of awareness is called the intuitive mind.
The intuitive mind is messages, whether it be how your body feels. You might be feeling it in different areas of your body and you might be ignoring it, but your intuition is telling you to slow down or pay attention and you might not be paying attention to it. That’s our rational mind. Our rational mind pushes those feelings down. We tell ourselves we can’t feel that way because whatever we’re trying to accomplish or whatever we perceive is important. Maybe nobody else feels that way. We are just perceiving it that way.
Usually, with most things, when we talk about these feelings, we are building something up in our minds that probably everybody else is not noticing because that’s happening internally for us. Everybody else is so busy with their day. All of the things that they need to do and accomplish and the feelings that they’re having internally that we can’t see, they don’t notice. They notice when it affects them.
Being Present
In this episode, what we’re going to focus on is the overwhelm. We will take an episode to focus on each of these areas. I wanted to start there because that seems to be a resounding one for so many people. We can keep thinking we’re going to get over that hump, and then more stuff keeps coming at us. I know I can feel that way over and over again. I am a business owner myself. I can plan out my day and want to accomplish certain things, and then the day laughs at me and tells me, “There are other things that need to get done.”
When we start feeling overwhelmed, those are the moments in our day when we need to step back, get present, and see where we can shift. A lot of times, what happens is when our emotions come out about it, it comes out about the people around us, the environment around us, or the things that we feel are happening that are creating that overwhelm. We don’t always think about what are the things we can control to be able to remove that feeling of overwhelm.
Overwhelm: When we start feeling that overwhelm, we need to step back, get present, and see where we can do major shifts.
Creating A List
One of those things that I’m going to offer up is making a list of all the things that are overwhelming you. When you do this, first off, you need to make sure that you put time on your calendar to set aside for this and make sure that you’re getting present before you do it. You don’t want to do it in haste or feel like you’re right in the middle of it and then you’re not present when you’re writing this list down. You want to step back and be still.
It only takes us two minutes to reset. We’ve talked about a lot of tools on this show that can help you with resetting, but getting silent and quiet, stepping away from the emails coming at you, turning on the Do Not Disturb, and closing your eyes for two minutes. You can set an alarm on your phone to allow yourself to reset. When we reset, we utilize our breath to reset and slow our breath down.
When we take our focus to our breath, it allows us to focus on something other than our thoughts. Our minds can’t think about two things at the same time. When we shift our focus to that and we start slowing down our body, it allows us to get silent and to get still so that we can let go of whatever experience we were in and be present for the next experience that’s to come.
Even if you need to pause this episode for a moment to get still, close your eyes, and take some deep breaths. When you take those breaths, you might want to think about counting your breaths so that you’re keeping them slow and steady on equal inhales and exhales. Once you’ve settled in, come back to the present and do the task at hand. The task at hand is to understand your overwhelm.
What I want you to do is take out a piece of paper or use a spreadsheet, however you want to do it. You’re going to make one column for everything overwhelming you at this moment. You’re going to brainstorm everything, “I am overwhelmed by this. I’m overwhelmed by that.” It could be things at home. It could be things at work. It could be the smallest little things that are driving you nuts during the day. I want you to go as fast as you can and write as many things down that are overwhelming you at this moment.
In the second column, you’re going to go back to all of the things that you wrote down that are overwhelming you. In each row, I want you to check whether you have control over it or whether you don’t have control over it. It could be a yes or a no. It’s so that you’re clear on which things you can impact. Sometimes, we feel like we can’t impact anything. When we take an honest look at all of these areas that are keeping us stuck in this feeling of overwhelm, it starts becoming clear. We allow that to free flow out of us. It’s not sitting inside of us. It’s not palpitating within us. We get it all out on paper and we’re very clear on what things we can control and what things we can’t control.
Overwhelm: When we take an honest look at the areas that keep us stick in the feeling of overwhelm, everything starts to become clearer.
Once you’ve written that second column and gotten clear on which of these items that you’ve written down that are creating overwhelm that you have control over, in those rows that you have control over, in the third column, I want you to write your actions. What is one action that you can take with each of these areas that are overwhelming you? Those are things that you can do in your control.
A lot of times, when we see this list, we realize that there are things within us that are creating the overwhelm. It might be because we want to please someone, show up in a certain way, or have a belief system for a long time. It could be that we had to be at work at a certain time and leave at a certain time or that we feel guilty if people see us leave the office. I’ve been hearing that a lot.
It’s important you write that area down if it’s overwhelming you because you’re not getting home until later and you’re not able to enjoy the evening or even decompress. When your hours are too long in the office, then you show up frustrated and tired. Your energy is different. It’s questioning why you feel you have to stay there until everybody leaves, and what impact you have on the people around you when that happens. Who told you you have to stay there?
We feel like people are watching us or judging us. The question to ask is, do you judge people who are leaving the office? Probably not because you’re in your own work. You are into the things that you’ve got to get done. You’re not there to babysit everyone in their work. It’s the same thing. It’s realizing that no one is probably observing when you are walking in or leaving as well. They don’t know what your schedule is. You could be doing some work from home or some work from the office. That’s something that you can control. That’s a belief system that is sitting inside of you.
Setting Goals
Once you’ve taken that list of the things that you can control and one action you could take with each of those things that are overwhelming you that you can control, there is probably a simple action that you could shift. Let’s keep with that example that you feel like you have to leave the office at 6:00 or 6:30 and you’re worried that people are observing you or judging you. Instead, maybe change the time that you are going to leave each day at 5:30. Back it up for 30 minutes and see how that might impact you.
Create a goal for yourself over the next 30 days so that you can keep pushing yourself each day to do those things. It’s just 30 minutes. That is something that you’re going to have to remind yourself when you are leaving. It is not bad. You don’t have to worry about what others are thinking. You could say, “It’s only a 30-minute difference. I’m okay to leave. I have earned the spot to leave work,” or whatever kind of mantra or intention that you want to pre-plan when you’re going to feel that feeling of guilt when you’re leaving or that feeling of worry when you’re leaving so that you’re not so concerned about what others are thinking.
You’re shifting your energy when you walk out of that door because you also want to think about the benefit of leaving at 5:30. You’ll get home earlier. Maybe you’ll be able to take a walk outside. You might be able to be with your partner, your spouse, or your family earlier. You’d be able to eat dinner with them, and you haven’t been able to eat dinner with them. Maybe it’s not something you can do every single day. You could plan for this 2 days a week or 3 days a week and see the shift of how it might feel and what things you will have to let go of so that you are not feeling overwhelmed.
You’re like, “It’s okay.” At the end of the day, I’ve got to think about how I’m going to be able to shift this. If I want to leave at 5:30, that probably means that I’ve got to end my work at 5:00. When I end my work at 5:00, I’ve got to make a list of all the things that I need to prioritize for the next day. I need to clear out any emails or calls so that I’m clear on those things. I make sure that that’s not cluttering my head when I leave work so that I’m not concerned that there are things that I don’t even know that need to get done that are sitting out there.
When I feel like I have cleaned things up and I’ve cleared the space to be able to leave, and I’m able to be present, figure out what is important for me to focus on, and not look at everything I have to do but the things that are top priority, and know that there’s a slot to do it and I’ve planned for that slot to do it, then I can leave my day without feeling that feeling of overwhelm or stress or that I’m concerned how people are going to think about me.
We’ve got to think about if we’re going to change a habit, what things do we need to do to back ourselves up to ensure that we can change that habit? We’ve also thought about how we’re going to feel when we do something different. It’s something outside of our norm, so our body, brain, and heart are not used to it. If we’re going to change a habit and we’re going to change the way we go about something, then it’s important for us to think about how we are going to shift that energy to make sure we stay positive or on track.
It’s the same thing if we decide we’re going to exercise every day or we’re going to change our diet. Those are changes in the way we do a routine. Our neural channels are set in those routines and habits, so we’ve got to train our minds to think differently, feel differently, and create energy about it. A great thing that you can do when you set these goals is, at the end of the day, look at, “What went well today? What didn’t go well today? What will I do differently tomorrow?”
This is important because we don’t want to give up when it’s not working. Maybe we set the goal for 3 days this week to leave at 5:30 but we only left 2 days at 5:30. We then feel disappointed in ourselves. There’s no award here except that we’re trying to overcome this feeling of overwhelm. We have to stay on course, but not every action or plan that we set in place before we know how it’s going to work is going to work. There are little tweaks or adjustments that we need to make over time, and that’s okay. Being okay to shift and to be agile in any plan that you create is important.
Staying on track is making sure that you’re journaling how it’s working, how it’s going, how you are feeling, and what your energy is like. Are you still feeling overwhelmed? If you are feeling overwhelmed, why? What thing can you control and shift the next day to make sure that you don’t feel that way? Bringing back the ownership and the accountability to yourself rather than looking to what other people can do for you to get out of this can shift the energy that you create for yourself but also the energy you create for the people around you.
Overwhelm: Bring back ownership and accountability to yourself rather than looking to what other people can do for you to get rid of overwhelm.
Summary
As a review, I want you to be present and take two minutes so that you can be still for this exercise. Create a list of everything that you are overwhelmed by. Also, note whether you control it or not control it and then what action you can take. What one action can you take for each of those areas to shift it? When you create your goal for the next 30 days, only pick 1 or 2 of those things. Try not to create too many goals because that is hard to do.
You’re going to create one goal so that you can accomplish it over the next 30 days. You’re then going to think about, “How am I going to keep my energy up for this goal so that I feel like I can accomplish it? What things am I going to have to do before taking this new action to ensure I’ve cleared the space to be able to accomplish it?” I’m excited to know if any of you take the step and start feeling a change when you put a plan in place.
Gratitude Practice
At the end of the day, when you are evaluating whether it’s working or not working, a good thing to do is a gratitude practice. Understand or thank yourself for something that went well based on this. Try to notice even the little things. They don’t have to be huge things. It’s the fact that you did take the time to do it. Maybe you still felt a little bit of guilt, but you noticed that it helps you when you have an intention or a mantra to shift your energy so that you feel better. Come back, observe yourself, and give yourself space so that you stay on track with everything for this.
With any kind of change that we create and energy, we might get used to talking about these things. The hardest person to change is you. We often try to change things outside of us, but it’s very hard to change ourselves and to change habits and patterns that have been created our whole time in our lives. Sometimes, these answers can seem obvious once we take the time to write them down, think them through, and so forth.
What happens is that we often realize that even though it was obvious, we weren’t listening. That’s our intuitive mind. We weren’t listening to what was creating that stress for us in our bodies and what things we could do. Make sure that you take these moments to step back to disconnect to connect with yourself and see where you can make these little shifts to change how you may be feeling.
Upcoming Programs
We are going to be having a brand new Work Life Harmony program coming up this fall 2024 for people that want to make these shifts. It’s a structured program to get you back in balance and bring you work-life harmony. Check out our website, BusinessBalanceBliss.com. Sign up for these events that are coming up so that we can help you create these plans and be there as your facilitator and for accountability to make sure that you achieve what you want. I hope this episode was helpful to you. We’ll be putting out more episodes for you so that you can take these little actions in your life. I’d love to know if there are other things that you’re struggling with that you want help with as well.