Episode 49: Quarter 3 2020 In Review
In this episode, Amy Vetter, the Breaking Beliefs podcast host, shares the moments from the interviews during the third quarter of 2020 that were most poignant in breaking the beliefs and noticing the patterns we carry in our lives. She focuses on three key areas from the interviews - creating your personal purpose and vision, supporting one another, and understanding someone's else's experience.
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Quarter 3 2020 In Review
This episode is our Quarter Three 2020 in Review. First off, I want to thank all of the readers and people that have been following this show for your messages and letting me know the impact that these people's stories have had for you. It's important to hear those things because we do these interviews and you never know who's reading on the other side or how you might be taking in some of these lessons. I'm grateful for those of you that have messaged me and let me know the impact this show has made in your lives. If you feel that you are motivated to leave a review on this show, that's always helpful.
We have in 2019 had 49 different interviews and conversations that we have shared with you. It has been such an honor to speak to all the people that I've spoken to, but also to be able to share my thoughts as well. It's nice to have a platform to get those thoughts out because this is my purpose and passion around helping others on my own learning journey. We are all on it. We're never finished. With each new thing we learn, there is something else that opens up for us or each new experience, whether it's been hard, whether it's a good experience, all of those experiences become the fabric of our life. I think of it like a quilt of each thing starts becoming something else as we add onto it and we are that fabric.
It is so interesting that we all have a story, that we all have things to share that's meaningful. We can think our lives are like anybody else's. When you go back and review, even write it down or have a conversation about it, you realize that each person has something to teach to somebody else that we've all gone through life and experienced. Maybe the same thing like this pandemic, but have gone about it in different ways. It's opened up different things for each of us that we all have something to share. Thank you for being open in reading these stories. Over the last quarter, it's interesting the types of conversations that I've had on this show. I look at it as three-key areas that have leveled up and one has been all about purpose and vision. Each of our purpose and vision is unique to us.
2020 In Review: We are all on this journey. We're never finished with each new thing we learn.
Many times we think about vision as a business concept but not necessarily our own personal purpose and personal vision. How important it is to understand what that is so that we create our own roadmap. We'll talk a little bit and review that as we had on this show. The other key concept that we had over the last quarter was all about supporting one another and the importance of a team. If anything with technology dividing us in our homes or in different geographies where we haven't been able to connect together in person, it becomes more and more obvious the importance of human connection and how we can support one another. It's very hard to survive on our own without sharing with one another and reaching out. That's been a key concept as well as understanding someone else's experience.
We've encountered a conversation on diversity that's been so important that has leveled up during this time. Not that this conversation wasn't happening, but there was a feeling of intolerance, disgust, and readiness to make a change, which should have happened a long time ago. Whenever it happens, it happens. We are at a time where it feels that people are more open to the conversation, which is a good place to be in and it's a great start.
Purpose And Vision
Those conversations have been important on this show as well. Let's go back and review a couple of these conversations that we've had in these different areas. The first one being purpose and vision. I interviewed Keith James from Thomson Reuters, and we had a very long conversation about mindset and how important it is. He went about his career. It was all about winning and taking incremental steps that maybe were safe to get to the place that he wanted to be at in his career.
Most of us that are achievers can understand how that happens but often we're in the midst of that, aren't stepping back, pausing, and understanding why we are going about our lives that way. He was given this break in his career that was transformational for him. I think an important point about purpose and vision was that in order to make a transformation, you have to understand that it's all about you. No one can do it for you. We can put up a lot of excuses for why something doesn't happen. Maybe whatever outside circumstances we have, but in most cases, if we intentionally go about the inner work that we need to do, we can start going through that transformation process.
There isn't a time-bound place that we can say, “In six months, we will feel better.” What we can say is, “This is a commitment I will make to myself now. I will make to myself this week, this month, in six months, whatever that is,” and start working on those things that will help us individually. Only we can decide what that is that no one can decide that for us. Keith gave us a lot of different exercises that he does himself that was helpful to understand how he developed his own emotional strength and his clarity. How he was able to shift his energy to align to the purpose that he defined for himself? This is important especially in these times where we're so stressed out with the technology walls that have been put between us is understanding how to shift your mood.
A lot of times we go into conversations and we don't necessarily think about how we are impacting another person instead we leave that conversation may be frustrated and thinking it's about them. Certain circumstances that we have stress instead of looking at what is our responsibility. One of the things that he talked about that is important was stepping back before he walks into a meeting to understand what his mood is and what kind of practices he can do very quickly to shift his energy before he walks into that next experience or conversation. Taking responsibility for ourselves, for our mindset, and how we can impact others in a meaningful way. When I talked to Angie, it was a conversation again about purpose and vision but from her own perspective as well as understanding that the successes are yours but your challenges are those that you have to overcome yourself as well.
2020 In Review: We cannot control the experiences that we may have with other people, but what we can control is how we respond and how we persevere in our hardest times.
You can't blame others for your challenges. We all have challenges. I read in a book probably years ago. It was a very interesting thought about the fact that we often will ask ourselves, “Why did this happen to me? Why did I go through this bad experience? Who has something against me?” When we step back and think about, “Should it have happened to somebody else? Did we wish that upon somebody else? Why shouldn't that experience have happened in my life too?” Understanding the challenges that we have are life's challenges that we each get different ones, but it's our job to overcome those challenges and figure out how to still lead a positive life and not be taken down by the challenges that we cannot control that happened in our lives.
We cannot control the experiences that we may have with other people that we care about. We cannot control pandemics. We cannot control the shift in technology and all of those things. What we can control is how we respond and how we persevere in our hardest times, which is what creates the grit and resilience that creates the person that we are and how we impact others in a positive way. She also talked about how to regulate energy and making sure that you're showing up with the attitude that you want to show up with that a lot of times that we don't understand how contagious our energy can be. When we have negative energy, it's contagious to the other person and it starts affecting their energy. We start feeling it build up even if we're not doing it intentionally. Walking through life intentionally is a whole other path to walk because we have to seriously think about what is that energy we're trying to create and not just let whatever happened happen. Be careful about how we do that.
Another energy shift was understanding how we need to appreciate the people around us as well. This moves into supporting one another. It's important that we thank the people around us and it can be such a simple thing but it's a thing we often forget and we might look to others for them to just notice. If we don't allow people to understand the things that we do and be an advocate for ourselves, it's hard for people to look up from the things that they are doing to even know that. I was talking to someone about funerals and how during funerals we often hear all of these wonderful things that people do. We don't know that during their lifetime and then it's a bummer because we can't thank them for the things that they've done.
Maybe understand them in a different way that we didn't even know there were things going on in their life, how they persevered and conversations you could have had. Looking up and noticing what other people are doing and also creating space for people to tell you what they're doing is what this show is about in so many ways. It's because we don't often sit down for 30, 45 minutes, or 1 hour and ask someone what their story is and what they've contributed to the world. How they go about intentionally in their life because there are these little things we do in our day that we don't even understand. When Angie talked about purpose, understanding the things that light a fire under you and to not lose that. If we start losing that then we're not living our purpose.
Diversity And Inclusion
Those are the times we need to step back and pause. Think about what things do we need to shift and explore in our lives so that we can see that it's time for a pivot and a change so that we understand that. My interview with Corliss Taylor is an important interview for everyone to go back to. If you didn't read that one, it’s important for you to go back and review. Corliss and I talked a lot about her journey. It was a great discussion on diversity and inclusion. It came back to two of our key points that I'm highlighting for this quarter which is how to support one another but also to understand someone else's experience and how we can help. When she talked about her story of her mom pushing her out of her comfort zone. She wouldn't necessarily have done on her own, but because her mom pushed her and said, “You need to go away, you need to go to university, and don't necessarily do what's comfortable for you.”
The one thing that her mom did for her that was important was said to her, “You’ve got this.” That gave her the inner confidence of like, “I do have this. I can make this happen.” Going back to just understanding our own strength but the words that we use with others that are important to give them the confidence to follow their dreams, even when it's hard. I know my son went to college and he was moving out, everything in my body was like, “Please don't go,” but the words that came out were, “You’ve got this, I'm proud of you. This is the right next step.” You have to get out of the things that you want personally, sometimes from someone else in order for them to expand and be able to grow in the ways that they need to grow. Even when it's the hardest thing emotionally to do, it's sometimes the right thing to do for each person and yourself because life does go through transitions. We don't necessarily get to stay stagnant in the life that we have. There are times for change and transition. We can't hold other people stagnant and those areas as well because it's time for each person to grow.
2020 In Review: What we say matters. We should really think about the words that we say.
Another important concept that we talked about is the question, “How can I help?” When we are in a place to support another person, it's important that we create the space to support another person. It’s not just waiting for someone to come to us to get the help that many people don't even know they need help, or create the space or have the confidence to even ask for the help. In these times, especially when we were talking about diversity and inclusion, it was important for Corliss to be asking people, “How can I help?” Not only other people that have been in minority positions can achieve the success that they want but people that want to be more inclusive don't necessarily know how because they haven't lived that story. Part of what we talked about was how important it is to educate yourself on both sides of an argument.
This is a key thing beyond diversity and inclusion, but also in the political environment that we're in as well. It's so divisive because we don't educate ourselves on the other side. It probably won't change your mind to educate yourself on the other side, but what it will do is create a more productive conversation. There may be things on either side that you do agree with. There are certain things and there are common areas where you can come together. There are areas that you can agree on that you won't agree to and that's okay. That is what our country is about and shouldn't be that everyone has to think the same way. It is important that when we're in a conversation, especially when we're talking about other religions, minorities, political views, sexual preferences, anything, that we're educating ourselves on what that person's journey is, on what that person's experience is, on the facts of any argument so that we can truly come together and still be able to support one another, even if we don't agree. That is something that will help move us forward if we're willing to do it.
We have to take time and dedicate time to doing that because it isn't necessarily something we would do naturally, so creating actual ways to do that. The other thing that she talked about that was important is we have to prepare ourselves for the opportunity to help so that when we're asked to serve and when we're asked to help, we're ready to and we're open to. Sometimes it's remembering how we would respond if someone asks for help. Whatever that help maybe, that opportunity is there. You have to make yourself open and available so people feel comfortable to ask for that help. It’s important takeaways there.
Along the lines of diversity inclusion, when we talk about supporting one another and understanding someone else's experience. My interview with Todd Shapiro went deep into that because of his unique background growing up in a poor neighborhood in Chicago. Understanding the experience of many different cultures because he lived it, but also understanding his own experience living that way as well and how that shaped his core values as he has made his own path.
One of the big takeaways was understanding what you say matters. We should think about the words that we say and not only in how we respond so that we're not responding quickly and saying things that maybe we will feel bad about later for saying but also understand our value system. When we feel we are shifting off of that value system that sometimes our gut tells us, we're shifting away from a value system, but we don't necessarily step back and go, “I did it, I'm off and I need to pivot back and keep ourselves accountable to the things that we say and we do. If we do something that inadvertently hurts someone, or doesn't support them, we are owning up to that. We are coming to that person and talking about it and then asking, “How could we do it differently next time in order to make sure the situation is better?”
We also talked about how important honesty is and understanding the situation that we live in. The situation that somebody else walks in is that we can never understand the daily life of somebody else. We can only understand it from our perspective, our experience, looking at someone else, or hearing what they say. Unless we put those mindfulness practices in place where we get completely present and allow someone to share their story without us supplying our story to it. As soon as we hear in our mind ourselves applying a story or interrupting them when they're talking to say our own story, we know that we've shifted away from their experience. There was another great pointer from Corliss as well that it doesn't always have to be a conversation. It can be that you're inviting someone in to just observe a conversation they wouldn't normally be in or observe a conversation that they've been in and allow them to tell you what made them uncomfortable, what wasn't inclusive for them, where would they have hit a wall in that conversation or that experience? That's a great way to learn as well.
2020 In Review: The problem with automation tools is that you lose your ability to be human, to show that you truly care, and to connect.
For Todd, he has done a lot of work in bringing in inclusiveness and diversity into the Illinois CPA Society, where he understood the fact that it's not about someone didn't apply so they're not there. It's about seeking out people so that you can find the people. If they don't see themselves in an organization, they're not necessarily going to apply but also understanding that if there isn't enough bench strength that you have to go one step further. That can be into high schools and that can be into colleges of exposing people that would never be exposed to certain professions or knowledge bases to what the possibilities are. When you open up those possibilities, you're allowing people the opportunity to make a decision on their own, whether that's a lifestyle for them that they want or an experience that they want. If they're never exposed to it, they don't even know it's there and that opportunity passes by.
That's work that you know that you are not going to get a direct hit on for a while. It's going to take some time before you see the result of that work. It's okay that you're not getting an immediate result, which is hard sometimes in this world that we live in to go to a place where you're not going to see the immediate result. You are going to know that you're leaving a legacy. That you are going to know you are leaving for that next organization. You might not even be there by the time that the work you've done has made an impact. It's those little impacts that each of us in our life can make to support one another and understand someone else's experience that can start shifting the world incrementally little by little.
Being Coachable
That leads me to James Leath and my conversation with him that was all about being coachable. He shared very vulnerably some intense stories about his father, but what those stories did was give him the strength and the grit internally. No one taught him to do but he rose above his situation that these are challenges that were put in place for him during his lifetime rather than sitting there negatively about it, “What could he do?” He saw that his impact was how he supported other people in so many different ways, how he learned by shifting his own mindset, and how he can help other people to shift their mindset. He gave a couple of great examples of shifting from being a football player to a cheerleader mascot in college. How when an injury happens, and how you can still be a part of something that you love in a different way. The effects of him being in those roles, how it supported the team and inspired others. How he also used being a mascot where he could put his head in the huddle and learn how the coaches were changing mindset as well in order to make himself better when he was going to go on to be a coach himself.
The other example he had on that was being on the volleyball team and being the worst player. The coach putting him on the team anyway because the place he had on the team was making the best players better. It wasn't about him but the team wasn't as good if he wasn't a part of it. Sometimes we forget that in our roles in our organization we can feel like we're a cog in the wheel. Understanding how we support one another is important that the team wouldn't be as good if we weren't a part of that team. We don't always have to be the leader, the title of that, instead what we can be is a good support to others. Understanding what those strengths are important so that we can feel like we are participating and being a part of things the way that we want.
It's always a good exercise to let people know that on your team. You can do this as an exercise where you send messages to each other and tell them, “This is where your strengths are and this is how you help me.” It doesn't have to be a performance evaluation or something formal, but important to allow ourselves that opportunity to tell each other what the strengths are and how we help so we can keep enhancing those strengths. The other thing that was important about this conversation that he applied from a sports point of view when you're in practice, it’s okay to fail and you're not supposed to be perfect. Those are the times that we're supposed to try new things and fall on our face. That's why we practice which is a simple thing to think about but we don't always put it in play.
When he talked about his father going through changing and not wanting to be the bad influence he was. Wanting to be a more positive influence in James's life, James had to go to that theory that you have to practice and you're going to fail, and you have to give space to people to fail that are going through change. All of us are going through change right now. There's so much change happening besides whatever would be happening in our lives normally. We have to give ourselves and the people around us space to fail. In order to get to our next best self and to that vision that we have for ourselves, we're going to have to try some things that we're not necessarily very good at. In order to do that, we have to give that space of failing of falling on your face, getting back up, saying what worked, what did work, and what will we do differently tomorrow? Whatever didn't work, we're going to let that go but what did we learn from it so that we can keep getting better.
Developing A Tribe
Lastly, my conversation with Erin Linehan was a great conversation about supporting one another and how important it is to have a tribe. She was talking about in her career how hard it was to find other people to look up to that were like her. When we talk about inclusion, it's important that we see ourselves and other people to feel like we are part of an experience. When we think about how we can support one another, it's important that we are reaching out, whether it's below us, next to us, above us. How we create that support system and making sure we network it doesn't have to be someone immediately in an organization. It could be someone outside of our organization. It can be friends and family, but it's creating that network effect to feel like you're part of something that's bigger than yourself.
She talked about how she puts this in play by doing this intentionally. Every week she has a goal for herself of how many meetings she's going to have with people that she works with, people that are outside the organization, people that are outside her department. That she can connect with and have conversations with that aren't necessarily work-related just to make a connection. To learn more about another person, which gets us right back to where we started off how important during this quarter has been to have a purpose and vision that's unique to you.
If you can't name that for yourself, maybe take some time after this and write that down for yourself, what's your purpose, what's your passion, what's your vision, your personal purpose, and how are you supporting other people in your day? Are you more focused on getting your own stuff done or are there things that you do whether that's friends, family, people that you work with to reach out, and support one another? Making a commitment in these times of understanding someone else's experience, giving them the space to educate you, to tell your story, but also for people that are trying to go through change, innovation, and maybe changing themselves personally, because of the things that they've learned during this time. Giving them the space to fail, giving them the space to practice, and that at the end of the day, we are all coachable and being open for that feedback so that we can always get back to that best next place for ourselves.
Important Links:
Keith James – Past episode
Angie Grissom – Past episode
Corliss Taylor – Past episode
Todd Shapiro – Past episode
James Leath – Past episode
Erin Linehan – Past episode
@AmyVetterCPA – Instagram
@AmyVetterCPA – Twitter
@AmyVetterCPA - Facebook
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